I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
