I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
