you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
