No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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