Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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