I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I will be naked everywhere
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
