Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
