I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
