How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize