So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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