I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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