So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
