i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
