he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
foreskin is a definite game changer
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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