i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
