after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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