i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
