Apparently you make a good broom.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
