from now on my penis is your penis
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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