Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
