Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
