i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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