Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
