It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
