So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
