Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
