Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
