He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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