i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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