i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
