I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
