big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
