So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
