I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
