a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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