I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
