I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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