I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
