well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I want to be your penis for a week.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
