I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize