I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
