dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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