The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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