This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
