you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
