woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
