there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
