I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
