Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
