Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
