Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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