I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
