I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
