I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
