I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she pinky promised me she was 18
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
