My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
