you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
