take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize