real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
