I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
