My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
are you so shy because you have an std?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
