hell yes lets make some ravioli
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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