Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
