You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize