so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
