Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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