I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize