May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
