i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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