Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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