I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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