Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize