I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
