I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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