OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
