Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
