Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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