I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
