I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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