Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
