If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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